Music of the Knight
by quote intangible
Summary: The universe doesn't run on a strict set of rules, there are no limitations to cruelty and hate. It's why ObiWan needs a way to escape reality, but he believes his methods are... not befitting of a Jedi. QuiGon tries to prove him otherwise.


**Music of the Knight **

By Death's Executioner

Death…

Destruction…

He had seen it all…

And it never ceased to amaze him.

How could people be so cruel?

It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. No one deserved to be at the mercy of a cruel fate. Of a fate with no beginning, a fate with a sudden end long before the time was right.

It just wasn't right…

Yet it was what Obi-Wan was faced with every day.

He tried to fight it…

But he couldn't win every battle. They couldn't save everyone…

Be he couldn't let the galaxy's cold hand of death, the green monster that lurked in the hearts of those who had all, or the desperation of those who had nothing, destroy him too.

He had to stay strong. Win the battles that he could, accept defeat when necessary…

That didn't mean he had to like it. It didn't mean that he could let it tear his soul and mind apart till there was nothing left but a hollow shell.

But sometimes, he couldn't hide the horror he felt. Sometimes he couldn't accept defeat. Sometimes he just couldn't understand why people did the things they did.

_Because they're desperate._

Is that is? Is that why people found it necessary to destroy what didn't belong to them, to destroy themselves?

Perhaps there was no answer at all.

No…There _is _no answer.

Maybe that's why it bothered him so much. Maybe that's why when he came home from one of _those_ missions, he just needed some time to himself to make himself understand that there are no answers.

That's why he was so desperate for this time alone. He had practically shoved Qui-Gon out of the door. And then he had locked Qui-Gon out.

He could get in if he wanted to...But it gave Obi-Wan just a few more seconds. He couldn't let Qui-Gon find out.

He needed time to accept their last horrendous mission; he needed time to let it all go, to release it to the Force. He just couldn't do it the way Qui-Gon wanted him to do it. Meditation just wasn't enough. His escape was Opera and classical music.

He knew it sounded girly, unbefitting of a male teenage Padawan. Qui-Gon could never know how weak his apprentice really was. He wouldn't approve…and Obi-Wan couldn't admit it to himself.

But he couldn't help the fact that classical music changed him. It helped him in ways that meditation and all of the world's best mind healers could not. Those methods just didn't have the emotion and passion that classical music had.

Qui-Gon knew that Obi-Wan was beginning to heal after their last traumatic experience, knew that he was finding solace somehow. But Qui-Gon could never know exactly where that comfort came from. Obi-Wan would not allow it.

He couldn't handle Qui-Gon's disappointment. Not today…

He plopped in the disk that he kept hidden under his mattress.

The violins began first. A soft slow melody poured from the instrument as the artists poured their hearts out onto those strings. And as those first notes hit him, Obi-Wan let himself go. That's when the brass began; a low melodic tone that hinted at oncoming danger poured from their horns. Their dark notes chased those of the light violins.

A never ending battle between good and evil…

Minivua…

The name came unbidden to him mind.

Why did she have to sacrifice herself for him? Why?

No…He wouldn't let Minivua's death control him today.

The soft notes of the song flowed out of the stereo. They danced around him like white fairies, soothing the wounds that ran deep. They flowed around him, embraced him, and then swiftly flowed away, taking Obi-Wan's pain with it.

That's what he did with the memories of Minivua.

He bottled all the memories that he could think of, stuffed them into a tin can rusted shut by the universe's hate, and dumped them into the river of music that rapidly carried them away.

Next time he thought of Minivua…it wouldn't be so painful.

Wrapped deeply in his mind healing meditation, Obi-Wan did not notice Qui-Gon attempting to pry the door open. He didn't usually let himself go this far.

But he couldn't help it today. Something in the voices that hummed from the speakers compelled him to carry it just a bit further.

When Qui-Gon tapped his fingers on his shoulder, Obi-Wan could not contain the horror he felt at being caught.

"I…I…I…I didn't mean to."

"Obi-Wan you didn't do anything wrong."

"It isn't normal for a Jedi to like Opera." He whispered, ashamed at what he percieved as his faults.

"Whoever told you that was wrong Obi-Wan." Obi-Wan stared at his feet, refusing to believe that Qui-Gon accepted his abnormalities.

"Come with me, Padawan, I have something to show you." No questions.

Qui-Gon lead his apprentice to his darkened room and smiled at the confused look his apprentice was sending him. What did the older man intend on showing him?

Qui-Gon opened his closest door and laughed softly at his apprentice's expression.

"How come you have a walk in closest, and I don't?" Qui-Gon could not resist playfully slapping Obi-Wan's shoulder.

"That's not the point Obi-Wan. Do you see those Obi-Wan?"

"The model ships? What's wrong with having model space ships?"

"Obi-Wan, how many other Jedi Masters build and collect model ships?" Obi-Wan did not respond; he didn't know any others. "Exactly," he replied when he realized that Obi-Wan could think of no others. "Some would say that model ships are for babies, and that it is unbefitting of a Jedi, but it makes me feel good, especially after a particularly harrowing experience. It makes me feel better to just relax and loose myself in building one of these tiny models. I started building this one shortly after we returned from our last mission." He said pointing to a half finished star fighter."I thought I was going to loose you Obi-Wan, making this ship made me feel better, if only for a little while. Are you going to tell me I'm too old to make these?"

"No."

"There is nothing wrong to listening to Opera. If it helps you, then I like it too. You don't have to hide this from me Obi-Wan. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand." Obi-Wan replied and graced Qui-Gon with his first real smile in weeks; this time the smile actually reached his eyes. Qui-Gon hugged his apprentice in glee.

"I love you like you were my own son, Obi-Wan. Never forget that." Obi-Wan smiled as the words sunk in. He had finally received his final release. He finally reached the last stage of healing from there last mission. He knew that this feeling of elation would only last so long, that eventually they would have to return to reality…But knowing that there were people like Qui-Gon out there, people they could save... it made all the pain worthwhile.

Love…

Happiness…

Lasts forever…

No matter what…

* * *

I know, the structure is a bit weird, but I did it like that purposely. This is my first story on this website. Hope you liked it. Ohh, and I know, the title is really corny. 


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